sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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