I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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