I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
