Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
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