WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
