okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
