He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
