found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
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