Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Randomize
