now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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