you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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