Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
