Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
