Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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