I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
