How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
