her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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