new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
