My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Randomize
