She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I'm too high and old for this...
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