In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
