I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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