P.S. I can't hear my feet
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
