If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
