i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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