kristin has been a bad kristin
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
NoShamevember. You game?
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Randomize
