You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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