fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
