Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
