you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Randomize
