I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
