i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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