i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Everyone says I win the strip club
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
