There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
