I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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