if you like me you must not know who I am
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize
