got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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