You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Randomize
