it was like fucking gandolphs beard
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
