Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
