Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
