I wish I could punch you in the face.
y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
You're like the curious george of whores
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
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