When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
