Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
