I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
