I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
