If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Randomize
