I'm laying in your front yard are you home
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
