come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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