Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
What did we do last night that was yellow?
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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